Creating Namesakes and New Family Traditions

I have a knack for mindless chatter. Especially when faced with awkward silence. In fact, awkward silence makes me feel rude. I feel called to use my gift for mindless chatter to break the ice.

My in-laws are a quiet family.

Many years ago, around the dinner table, I found myself square in the middle of a quiet lull. It went on and on. Being naturally equipped for just such emergencies I began to chatter. I chattered about what Daniel and I could name our babies.

Daniel and I had been “naming” our babies since the early days of our dating. We had picked such big winners as Buelah and Ernest. I left those names behind for the moment and chattered about ways we could incorporate their family names with ours.

It turns out names aren’t a universal conversation starter.

Nonetheless my mother-in-law beamed sweetly at us and shared the dear hope of her heart. Her mother was Susie. She is Beverly Sue, her daughter is Sueanna Jean. She thought how lovely it would be to frame a picture with all of the generations of Sue’s in it. And I agreed that my sister-in-law Sueanna really ought to use Sue for her daughter someday.

Mother-in-Law assured me it would be even more wonderful to have all of her first granddaughters share names that incorporated Sue.

She illustrated how special this could be by sharing the tradition that comes down from my father-in-laws family. My father-in-law’s mother is Eleanor Jean. Her daughter is Holly Jean. Holly’s daughter is Sally Jean, and as I mentioned earlier, my sister-in-law is Sueanna Jean.

And there it was. The expectation hanging in the air. Someday Daniel and I would have a daughter and her name would need to be Sue** (please pick the variation you love the most) Jean.

I didn’t want my first act as a member of this family tree to be insulting. And yet, I don’t actually like the name Jean. And for a first name I had my heart set on Norah.

It was three years before the situation came up. But by the time my own little one was nestled in my arms, warm and soft and sweet and beautiful, we had found a great way to make everyone (at least sort of) happy.

My husband and I found a way to honor his grandmothers, Eleanor and Susie without using the prescribed names. The prescribed names didn’t speak to us, but the grandmothers themselves are worthy namesakes.

To my delight my husband did not shy away from such an off the wall choice as Eleanor for our daughter’s first name. We call her Norah.

The answer to honoring Sue and family tradition on that side was a little harder. We talked and talked and hunted and hunted for just the right middle name. To me, that would be a quirky and sweet name. I like to hide something unexpected and charming between the two names you use to introduce yourself.

Grandma Susie’s mother was Alice Berry (Berry was her maiden name.) Susie herself was Susie Berry. My brother-in-law is Jonathan Berry. Berry, unlike Jean, is sweet, quirky and surprising. Exactly what I love in a middle name. It was a tradition hiding in plain sight and it was perfect.

Historians, family genealogist, the sentimental types, basically people just like me, love name traditions. They tie generations one to each other. They connect families to their stories. Here in the States especially, the story of where a family came from and who sacrificed in the past for today’s blessings is venerated.

And yet, no mother waiting with baited breath for the safe arrival of her first child should have uncomfortable name obligations. I think my mother-in-law was sad that her first granddaughter didn’t share in the tradition of Sue. But she was also touched that we had used Berry, a name still very important to the family. Grandma Eleanor didn’t seem time mind this baby not being a Jean. But she was thrilled that her own great granddaughter shared her first name. She even liked the name Norah for short.

We found a way to please our family even though we didn’t do what was expected. And we found a way to give our daughter a name from our heart. A name we love to say that honors people we cherish.